Transcript of Stephen Colbert's speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner
via Daily Kos

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

This also includes a transcript of his "audition tape" when he applied to be the new press secretary.